Dear Dad, The New York Times Hates You

It's okay to hate them right back

Gender has become complicated now. Fatherhood is no longer something boys should aspire to, or be prepared to accept, because girls who have their breasts removed will do the fathering, from now on. Testosterone alone confers manhood. This new manhood does not pass between males, which makes it non-toxic masculinity.

See, look at this cartoon that The New York Times ran on Father’s Day. The children are already learning to accept the new reality that some dads have vaginas while two women, presumably their birthing parents, thank ‘him’ with their eyes for the conversations they were not ready to have with their children.

‘Gender’ is not a fact, anymore, but a feeling. Male ‘gender’ is now a feeling that belongs to females who cut their breasts off and take testosterone. It does not belong to every boy, because some boys will want to be girls. Fatherhood is no longer connected to biology. Fatherhood is now ‘found family’, such as Bella Ramsey declaring “I’m gonna be a dad” to her pregnant girlfriend on The Last of Us.

Elliott, the child in Zach Elliott’s NYT cartoons, is already feminized. He has long hair and wears a unisex onesie when they go swimming. The idealized dad in the paper of record will let her son be the woman she didn’t want to be. A son does not need a man to make him into a man, he needs a woman to make herself into a man and then make him into a woman.

Paternity is deprecated in the paper of record™ these days. Matt Taibbi tweeted these recent offerings from the NYT. To get in the spirit of Father’s Day, they reminded dads that their kids are just waiting for them to die so they can finally go achieve things in life.

Fathers are so useless that their children must learn to forgive them. It’s okay to give up on being a dad, boys. Your kids will just hate you, anyway. No need to plan your life around success and excellence, or to pass those values on to another generation. We need less of that patriarchy stuff that makes civilizations. After all, we are building a perfect society in socialist New York City. We don’t need old geezers telling boys how to be men.

As much attention as the ‘manosphere’ gets for supposedly creating bad men, the absence of fathers has a profoundly negative effect on every aspect of a child’s life, including their mortality. Fathers are transformed by fatherhood into more productive and responsible men. The science of ‘dad brain’ is fascinating, but the NYT chooses to headline the depressed dads. Being a dad is depressing, boys. Who needs it?

In fact, your dad probably abused you. Fathers are men, and men are abusive and toxic (unless they are women who cut off their breasts and take testosterone). Men are babies who cannot take care of themselves, so who needs the responsibility of caring for an aged father? Let the state handle him. It’s the least he deserves.

Dear Dad, The New York Times hates you. It’s okay to hate The New York Times back. You could never possibly hate them enough, Dad. They want you dead and buried and gone so they can prepare your children for the gender nonconformity utopia of the future.