in Kulturkampf

Dear Santa, Please Cancel The Pony

Dear Mr. Saint Nick:

Thank you for delivering an Alabama-Notre Dame BCS final as I requested. However, I would like to modify the original request, presented here, to cancel delivery of the second item:

I realize that your workshop may have already bred and raised a pony for me, but our recent doubling of the household rabbit population is already straining our feed budget. And despite having a large backyard, it is already occupied by a Great Dane larger than most ponies.

Surely there is a child somewhere dreaming of a small horse, and their parents cannot provide it? Given that we are now assured of seeing a Division I college football championship game for the ages, it would be churlish and greedy of me to receive a pony in their stead. Please forward the animal to some deserving boy or girl instead of our house.

Respectfully yours,

Matt Osborne

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