Teh Evil Plan™ advances rapidly! Our sinister agenda of advancing worldwide socialism, forced gay marriage, and mandatory abortion has kids being indoctrinated in the dastardly arts of summer camp counseling and neighborhood cleanup. Our final solution for free market litter has begun in earnest!
Recently, the Republican National Committee sent out a mailer exposing our foul intentions to federalize health care and then refuse it to Republicans:
An RNC spokesperson has walked back from the survey, calling it “inartfully worded.” Nonsense! The RNC memo was a plant by our secret sabotage cell within the Republican Party. That’s right, we put it there to make them look paranoid and delusional!
Our campaign to discredit Glenn Beck is seeing enormous success; more than thirty sponsors have pulled out of his show on Faux Noise, including Wal-Mart. Beck simply has to go! Teh Evil Plan™ cannot allow him to continue:
That’s right, Cash For Clunkers is really a giant scheme to grab the computer data of Republican car dealers and assign each of them a number for the FEMA concentration camps. We need Americans to think it’s just a way to get 700,000 inefficient vehicles off the American road and stop importing so much foreign oil. Can’t have that kind of Very Serious Reporting!
Another thing we can’t have: Mike Huckabee exposing the part of Teh Evil Plan™ where we arm terrorists with high-tech bombs to cripple the electric grid:
Huckabee’s the keynote speaker for a distinguished panel that includes Obama birth certificate theorists Frank Gaffney and Rep. Trent Franks (R-AZ). Can’t have those Very Serious Minds getting together in one place, can we?
But perhaps our best success to date is planting 50 million secret operatives on American soil without health insurance:
More on Teh Evil Plan™ as it develops!
