Anna Nichole Smith Still Dead, Sources Say

Posted on June 25, 2009 by Matt Osborne
JUST LOOK AT THIS CRAP!

Okay, I get it. Michael Jackson is dead. That’s obviously more important than the news coming out of Iran, spineless and/or corrupt senators quietly spiking the health care bill, the newest revelations from the Nixon tapes, or Michelle Bachmann’s outrageous undermining of the US Census’ integrity.

Time to shift any and all coverage of news to the continued announcement that the King of Pop is no more, has ceased to be, has gone to meet his maker and joined the holy choir invisible.

Yes, he was a part of my youth. Yes, it’s sad that he’s dead. But I already know his death is going to eat the media all summer.

Here’s what we’ll see in the next 24 hours:

1) Jackson’s death as the lead story.

2) Retrospectives of his life and career.

3) Questions about his death.

That last one is the critical element in any celebrity death ‘story,’ and Jackson will provide plenty of it. He was a weird, reclusive man with strange obsessions; and like most celebrities of that sort, he probably had six different doctors prescribing every herb and pharmaceutical known to humankind. Speculation will run rampant.

Let me repeat that word: SPECULATION.

Speculation is cheap. Speculation can be done by any self-titled ‘expert,’ and we will see them line up for cable interviews for months to come. From tabloid journalism to ‘legitimate’ news, the entire spectrum of American media — including the L.A. Times and the Huffington Post! — will breathe a deep sigh of relief that a big story has arrived that’s so easy to cover, and cover, and cover again.

We have been here before:

Alive, Michael Jackson was a study in the bizarre effects of celebrity. Dead, Michael Jackson is a Weapon of Mass Distraction™. A new Anna Nichole Smith. Pushing up the daisies, he’ll sell more ink and air time than he did while alive — to the detriment of everything else going on in the world. Because, let’s face it, reporting from Tehran is hard and expensive.

God help us.

UPDATE: Yes, Emjay was apparently abusing prescription meds. Like you couldn’t see it coming.

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About Matt Osborne

Veteran blogging the culture wars from Alabama. Video journalist, mash-up artist, aspiring novelist, and metalhead. Expect bunnies, geekery, dark humor, and snarky empirical analysis to annoy idealists of all stripes. You can follow me on Twitter, but be ready 'cause it might get loud.
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  • Wolfe Tone

    I won't be surprised when Greta Van Susteren gives Jackson's death in-depth coverage all weekend.

    After all, it could be linked to the disappearance of Natalee Holloway!

  • veralynn

    God help us indeed. Thanks for the pic of HuffPo, I would like to know more about the RG siding with the people.

  • Matt Osborne

    Wolfe, you would not believe how obsessed the local media STILL is with Natalie Holloway in Alabama. Any new thing, no matter how small, makes top headlines in the Birmingham Herald and Huntsville Times. It's insane.

    vera, click the first link up above. I will NOT allow myself to be distracted.

  • Wolfe Tone

    Aw, fer crissakes.
    Even NPR is covering this non-stop, to the near exclusion of everything else.

  • Wolfe Tone

    No one made this much fuss over Dimebag Darrell now, did they?
    It's a travesty!

  • mehallokitty

    I'm waiting for the "he faked it" theory where they say he couldn't get it together for the o2 shows but couldn't back out either and they didn't want him doing something stupid or illegal so he faked it like Elvis and the two of them are living it up in "dead" pop-star heaven up in Canada somewhere.

  • Matt Osborne

    Wolfe, someone of FB said they saw a notice on the Weather Channel. It's like the Borg: resistance is futile.

    mehallo, welcome to the blog! Don't forget Tupac, who's had a new platinum album every year since his "death."

  • RosieRed23

    I get your point, really, I do. But even if someone doesn't want it to be true, the death of Michael Jackson is a hugely legitimate news story. He's not an Anna Nicole Smith or a Natalie Holloway. His death absolutely is worthy of days/weeks of news coverage.

    The real problem is getting the coverage of his death in without neglecting other news. Obviously this is possible, but not very probable.

    RE: the last line of your blog: Yes, it is, especially when the government kicks you out.

  • Shelley

    I feel sorry for Farrah Fawcett. She's been dying for weeks now, with all the media building it up, then poof! She gets side-barred by Michael Jackson. All that prep and the limelight is stolen right out from under her. It's a shame.

  • Matt Osborne

    Rosie, how can you say that?? Anna Nichole Smith had ENORMOUS, um… "talents." Heh. I get your point, but NO celebrity death is worthy of 24-7 coverage for more than a few days, IMHO.

    Shelley, there's got to be a good short story in there somewhere.